Some survival tips to stay sane—and employed

It’s increasingly more common, and your boss might even be fine with it. But that doesn’t mean an working office romance is straightforward.

Sarah, a 30-year-old graphic designer, met Matt through a colleague during the imaging tech company where they both worked. “I did not really notice him in the beginning because he previously a beard, and beards just weren’t my thing,” she says. Nevertheless they exchanged a couple of texts, then graduated to lunches that are friendly. Eventually Matt asked Sarah on a night out together, in addition they talked for such a long time that the sushi restaurant had to kick them out. “We took things slowly because we had been both very aware that we worked in identical office,” she remembers. But the caution was worth it: 5 years from then on date that is first he proposed.

About ten years ago their romance would expressly have been forbidden. (You understand the old saying about not, um, making a mess in which you eat.) But much more Americans postpone marriage until their careers are established—and as hours get longer, with smartphones blurring work and play—it is practical that attitudes are changing. “Older generations saw act as a place that is separate” says Renee Cowan, Ph.D., an assistant professor during the University of Texas at San Antonio who studies office relationships. “Nowadays work and life are particularly integrated.” These stats aren’t surprising: 37 percent of people have dated a coworker, according to a 2015 survey by CareerBuilder, and 30 percent of those relationships ended in marriage (proving that an office romance is not always a disaster) in that light.

Still, dating in the office could be your own and professional minefield. “I hate to function as buzzkill that is legal, however these relationships can create problems,” says Lisa Green, a work lawyer in addition to author of in your Case. Policies range from company to company; relationships do not always end well; and two jobs are on the line. So Glamour spoke with real-life office daters and workplace experts to devise the ultimate dating-at-work survival plan. Because seriously, where else might you meet someone these days?

No, Really: Prevent The Boss

According to HR consultant Laurie Ruettimann, most written policies prohibit employees from dating only a boss that is direct subordinate. Which brings us to a crucial point: do not. Experts Glamour spoke with discourage manager-subordinate romances simply because they create the perception (or reality) of favoritism; in a worst-case scenario, both parties might be fired or dragged through a harassment lawsuit. And ladies are disproportionately judged for those relationships, whether or not they’re the boss—”With great power comes great responsibility,” warns Green—or especially if they may be the underling. “Even today a boss-subordinate relationship is regarded as strategic regarding the woman’s part,” says Rebecca Chory, Ph.D., who studies workplace interactions at Maryland’s Frostburg State University.

Relationships with coworkers at your level or perhaps in different departments are less of a headache, and policies tend to reflect that. Nick,* 29, was surprised but very happy to be hired by his girlfriend’s digital-media company, where various other couples worked together. “The policy appeared to be: If you’re dating and still doing all of your job, we don’t how does recon work care,” he says. The stark reality is, “even if you will find rules, people will anyway hook up,” admits Green.

Be Direct

What exactly to complete yourself lusting after the project manager down the hall if you find? Listed here is the rule: You get only one shot at asking out a coworker. You risk creating a hostile work environment for your crush, which can be defined as harassment if you ask repeatedly, says Green. Of course a colleague asks you out and will not take no for an answer, which may be harassment, and you should consider speaking with HR.

Are you aware that hookup that is casual? If you find out with someone in the holiday party, bite the bullet and get about the person’s intentions afterward. “I did not ask, and I also spent the second six months wondering if every work email he sent was a invitation that is subtle get at it again,” says Mia, 30, a management consultant in New York. “None were, and might work life would’ve been better if I’d known that.”

__Don’t Flirt (Way Too Much) __

If you do decide to start a relationship, remember that others will pick up on probably the sparks. A day. as Anna, 27, who dated a coworker for seven months, points out, “It really is hard to pretend as you’re not dating someone for eight hours” But you can do your very best to produce others comfortable by nixing the “we are so cute” act. “People are out with long knives for the couple that is happy” says Green. An easy fix is to do something professionally and, when you’re together, maintain the door open. “Otherwise,” says workplace consultant Nicole Williams, who married—and later divorced—her boss, “people wonder that which you may be planning.” Stephanie, 30, a Houston attorney, works closely with her husband at an attorney, and so they obey a strict policy that is no-touching he imposed. “He needs, like, three feet of space in the elevator,” she jokes. However their co-working is certainly going smoothly because of this.